Clik here to view.
Do you know the Green-Eyed Jealousy Monster? She is definitely not a stranger to those who are fertility challenged. It is not uncommon to feel more than a little pregnancy jealousy over friends, co-workers, and relatives who are pregnant…
Pregnancy jealousy really is a normal feeling. If you know this “monster,” you may even feel jealous just seeing a stranger’s pregnant belly!
Digging Deeper Into Your Feelings of Jealousy
You may not like the Green-Eyed Jealousy Monster, and may be wondering what causes jealousy? You also may not like the Jealousy Monster and wonder just exactly how you can cope with the feelings that stir deep inside.
Jealousy is a natural emotion and many of us have felt it at one time or another. Feeling twinges of jealousy does not mean you are an evil person, or a terrible friend or relative. It is time, though, to take a look at the fundamental thoughts that feed into your jealous feelings. Understanding the underlying thoughts may help you understand yourself better and even reduce your feelings of jealousy.
When you hear that a friend, colleague, or relative is pregnant, one of the first thoughts that might cross your mind is “Why her and not me?” Most likely, the real question behind this particular Jealousy Monster thought is simply “Why not me?” Sadness is the real emotion that is the root of this type of question.
Don’t Let Jealousy Distract You From Self-Awareness
Nothing arouses feelings of jealousy and anger more than when a family member or friend starts talking about feeling fat, experiencing daily bouts of morning sickness, or having to wake up with the baby in the middle of the night. Questions like, “Why in the world is she complaining” and “Doesn’t she have any idea how lucky she is?” run through your mind. You would give anything and everything to have a baby and it infuriates you to hear them complain about such little issues.
Often, it is easier to feel jealous and point difficult feelings outward rather than to look inward and accept unhappiness and feelings of sadness. The Green-Eyed Jealousy Monster is less about a friend or relative’s pregnancy, and more about our own grief over infertility.
Infertility can be an upsetting and difficult disease to handle. It is normal to feel sadness and grief when you realize that your dreams of building a family may not happen in the way you had hoped. Feelings of anger and fear are also not unusual. Anger is a raw emotion that likes a scapegoat; therefore, if you’re feeling angry about infertility, it is easier to point angry feelings at a co-worker who gets pregnant rather than directing it towards your disappointment at not being able to easily conceive.
Managing Your Pregnancy Jealousy Triggers
When you’re in the thick of pregnancy jealousy, it is important to understand the triggers and take steps to lessen your exposure to them. Consider the following:
- Decline Invitations to Baby Showers and Children’s Birthday Parties
- If you can’t do it or don’t want to attend, it is okay to say no. Know that you are taking care of yourself and that is perfectly fine. No explanation is really needed.
- Hide All Social Media Status Updates or Emails From Your Pregnant Friends
- They don’t need to know that you have hidden their updates for a while. Most likely, if something really important happens, they will call you or you will hear about it from others.
- Ask Friends/Co-Workers Not to Talk About Pregnancy and Babies All the Time
- Sometimes, hearing others talk about their pregnancy or little ones is painful. If that is the case for you, find a way to switch the subject. Otherwise, be honest and tell them you don’t want to talk about their pregnancy or related topics and briefly explain why.
When you are ready, try to let the Green-Eyed Jealousy Monster go. Doing so is important to your mental health. Letting go of pregnancy jealousy is not easy and it takes time as well as inner strength. Sometimes, you might need professional counseling to help you work on your frustrations, anger, and grief. Facing your inner sadness will help you let go of the jealousy monster.
The reproductive specialists and staff at the Center of Reproductive Medicine understand that extra support is often needed when you have not been successful in your attempts to conceive. At CORM, our professional staff is committed to providing the highest quality reproductive medicine, while ensuring the best care possible is given to every patient/couple undergoing infertility treatment.
If you have been unsuccessful in your attempts to conceive and you are looking for an understanding and dedicated reproductive specialist, the Center of Reproductive Medicine helps infertile couples in the southeast Texas area with three full-service fertility clinics in Houston, Webster, and Beaumont.